Spring cleaning

I had warned everyone that this month, June, was probably going to be a difficult one for me. I am coming up on the one year anniversary of the worst beat down I have ever experienced. However it feels more like mental and emotional Spring cleaning. 

There are memories of the few months Guy Michael Curtis was in my life and my home. Oddly enough he appears less and less in them.  They are becoming less frequent and beginning to blur around the edges. The pain and sadness I thought would overwhelm me has not. Rather a sense of peace has taken their place. 

In the beginning of this exile I was filled with a sense of anger and foul play. Those who had conspired to take my home, and possibly my life were not held accountable for their actions. As much as I hate the phrase "not fair," that is exactly what kept running through my mind. 

Events that have transpired have taken the sting away. My mother had a heart attack shortly before I was to come stay with her. The plans were already in place eliminating the sense of panic that would have overwhelmed me otherwise. Recently my son became engaged to a wonderful young lady. They will be getting married next Saturday. Once more circumstances have enabled me to be much closer and able to attend their wedding without the chaos of planning and transportation etc. 

I have always felt that my life was a garden of sorts. Last year it became overrun with weeds and garbage. I have rid my life of toxic people, thus getting rid of the weeds. This has made room for beautiful flowers to take root. I am resolved to maintain the blooms and continue to thwart the weeds. There are only a few individuals left that may try to create fresh hell for me, won't they be surprised when they find the drawbridge raised and the gate locked.

I am shedding the memories much like a winter coat. As they come they are more uncomfortable than sad and painful. I let each one run it's course and drift away. In a way I suppose I have forgiven those people, more because it takes too much energy to cultivate a sense of vengeance. Ultimately all will have to answer to their higher powers. If in fact there is such a thing as karma and it settles debts ten-fold I almost feel sorry for them. Almost...